This whole Chick-Fil-A thing has forced me to write a Large Man Chronicle that is political, theological, and topical. I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER do anything this stupid. Things like this require research, deep thought, kindness, and reflection…all the things that I despise. Anything written that is based on facts, deep thoughts, and reflection, will usually bore the shit out of me, and don’t even get me started on kindness. Furthermore, my opinion(s) on this highly charged topic will kill my Large Man Chronicles t-shirt sales, cripple my circulation, and anger just about every friend I have. I’m going to be kicked out of my country club, black balled at work, and scorned in my community. So I have no idea as to why I am writing, and sharing this opinion. By publishing this post, I will be forced to find solace in cold, craft made beer, expensive cigars, and strip clubs, so I hope you’re all happy.
In the interest of brevity, I’m going to do a little paraphrasing with quotes here, and I don’t have exact dates, but I will do my best to keep it within what I see as the context of this controversy. It’s all available on the internet, or on the street and in school yards – so it’s just like how we learned about sex. I’m sure most of you have read the articles, or seen the news stories. I’m also guessing that most of you have formed your own opinions, and those opinions are likely to slant in the direction of your general political or religious ilk. That’s what we do.
So here’s what has everybody’s panties in a wad:
Through the power of Christian radio airwaves, and in the name of free speech, and God, the guy that owns Chick-Fil-A says he believes in traditional marriage, and Americans shouldn’t mess with the concept. We are pretty sure he’s saying that he doesn’t like the thought of gay and lesbian marriage.
Through the power of free will, and because free speech doesn’t mean freedom of consequence from the things that we say, people who believe that a more non-traditional marriage, like same sex marriage, should be accepted and embraced by our country. They believe that the chicken man’s position on the subject is born of hate and intolerance.
The gay and lesbian community wants us to boycott Chick-Fil-A and silence their corporate sponsored, hate filled rhetoric. They cry with passion for us to end this oppression, “NO MORE CHICKEN!” But, in opposition to these cries for a fast food embargo, the Christian community wants us to support this man’s faith, and his free speech rights, and they want us to demonstrate this support by eating every golden fried piece of poultry flesh that Chick-Fil-A has to offer.
Vegan Christians don’t know what the fuck they’re supposed to do.
Looks like we have us a good old fashioned disagreement!
For the record, and so you know where I’m coming from; I don’t have a dog in this fight. I really don’t know how I feel about gay marriage, I probably don’t care… but that’s the turf I’m usually walking on. I’m in the middle on most divisive political issues of the day. The only thing I passionately believe in is that there are at least two sides to most issues.
If I lean in any direction, I lean right or conservative, but I am a big believer in tolerance – both political and religious, because I might be wrong about everything. I am a supply side Republican; I am a capitalist that believes in a free market, and smaller government. I believe that “middle America” is carrying an unfair share of financing an inefficient government, but I don’t believe that rich people should be taxed more, and that’s not because I’m rich. I am rich with love and fellowship, but that’s about it. I also believe that well run social programs can lift people up and that these publicly funded programs are a necessity if you are a government “of the people”. I don’t believe that money cures poverty; I believe education and motivation cure poverty. I believe in a strong military for defense. I believe that both political parties are failing the American people.
I believe in God, although my faith does not incorporate traditional religious practices. I won’t preach my whys and hows, they’re not important (to you). I believe in tolerance here as well, because again, I could be wrong. I also believe that there is room for science and religion to coexist. Finally, I believe that our Higher Power will judge us all at some point, so I do very little judging on my own. This part of my faith frees me from wasting the days fretting over bullshit like who is serving my chicken.
So, if it matters, and I don’t know that it should, that’s the political, and spiritual lens I’m looking through.
So the gay community is chicken spittin’ mad because a guy who owns a company that is closed on Sundays because of a Christian faith and family value, spoke out on a Christian radio station that he believes in “the biblical definition of the family unit”. He also said that God might get mad at us Americans if we challenge that definition.
Because of God, and their interpretation of the Bible, this multi-billion dollar corporation is closed on Sunday- every Sunday. They are willing to give up a day of millions of dollars in revenue – every week, because of the religious faith of their corporate leadership. Just curious, what would the Gay & Lesbian community expect from the owner of a company with this kind of corporate culture?
Why are you choosing this fight? Are you stupid? When you fight a fight that you can’t win, sometimes you make your opponent look stronger and smarter than they really are…even if they are a bunch of chicken frying crackers (and they’re not – Chick-Fil-A is a successful, well run, popular, family friendly business). Why would you give this company a platform? Right or wrong; enlightened, or not, the president of this company is entitled to his faith and his opinion and he is free to express that opinion. I don’t know why you are fighting with a chicken stand. Do you need the Religious Chicken Stand endorsement? It’s a fucking chicken stand! A well run and highly profitable, and faith driven chicken stand, but a chicken stand none the less.
In mankind’s ugliest moments, people have flown airplanes into buildings because of their faith. People will strap bombs to their bodies and blow themselves up because of faith. People have burned crosses, and witches, starved themselves, and have restricted their diet to only fish on Fridays because of faith. In our most beautiful moments, people have given their fortunes to support the needy because of faith. People have traveled to strange lands (where they are not welcome) to share the glory of their faith. People have been imprisoned for preaching their faith, and people have given their lives rather than renounce their faith. People like Mother Teresa have devoted their lives to kindness and mercy and the service of humanity because of their faith.
Faith – no matter where it’s directed, or from where it comes, is a powerful force. Everybody knows this; the gay and lesbian community should know this too. I admire the courage to fight the biggest kid on the playground, but in this case, even if you win, your opponent will not shake your hand. I don’t think you’re gonna get this endorsement.
But on the other hand…
I’m not gay, and I’ve never dabbled, but as you probably would expect if you’ve ever seen me in person, I get hit on all the time. I don’t understand it, all I can think about is the sexual aspect – the act, the bedroom stuff and the misuse of my naughty parts. I can’t speak for other folks, but I’m probably not the only American male who thinks this way. But with that very private and very honest, and very narrow-minded, thought being shared, I don’t care what other consenting adults do in their private lives, and I don’t want to care.
My marriage is not defined by what my wife and I do in the bedroom. (But if she ever leaves me, I got stories) It’s mostly defined by the support we give each other as we journey through life. As cheesy and sappy as that sounds, that’s it. Why is it so difficult for me to believe that two dudes or two women can’t define their relationship the same way?
If you want to argue the “sanctity of marriage”…sorry, in a nation where over half the marriages end in divorce, and more than 70% of second marriages end in divorce, it won’t fly here. I’ve even heard the argument, “Where does it end?” Or, “Next we’ll be marrying our pets!” The pet thing is stupid, but “Where will it end?” is a fair question in my opinion. If gay & lesbian marriages should be accepted so the participants can have the same spousal benefits as a “traditional” marriage – health insurance, tax benefits, all the cool gift cards you get on your wedding day, marriage discounts for car insurance, etc. …are cousins next? What if an asexual brother and sister couple want to get married for the same reasons? These are extreme cases, but a gay or lesbian marriage is just as extreme to a person whose belief says it’s wrong.
What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that if we accept gay marriage, it will become acceptable to be gay? Maybe, and I see that point. I don’t want my kids to be gay. If my son were gay, I’m not sure how I would feel. I imagine that I would be embarrassed; I would probably blame my wife. Why? All I should really ever want is for my children to be happy and to find someone who will help support them on their journey. I can’t imagine the circumstances that would cause me to turn my back on my children. My daughter has become a Baltimore Ravens fan because of Michael Oher, the main character in the movie, “The Blind Side”. Because we are a Steeler family, this is about as disobedient as you can be in my home, but I doubt that I will stone her, and I’m sure that I still love her.
When I listen to Christian radio, I keep hearing the word “abomination” with relation to the gay & lesbian relationship. I’ve heard that same reference in regard to inter-racial and inter-faith marriages too. Have we completely evolved past that? No, but we’re getting there.
Religious right, is there any room for tolerance here? What are we afraid of? The Gay community shouldn’t be defined by words in a book – a book written by men. This is the point in the debate where we bring up Leviticus, and the teachings about how ‘a man shouldn’t lay with a man’ and the stoning of disobedient children and the right to own slaves. If one point is subject to modern interpretation of the text, or the evolution of society, then maybe other points are as well.
I don’t know what it’s like to be gay, just like I don’t know what it’s like to be black (some people say African American, I say black – my blog). I have no idea what it’s like to be oppressed, because I am the poster child for the non-oppressed. I am a blue eyed, white, male, of European descent. To all of my over-taxed upper-middle-class white brethren who are reading this; please don’t reply with “hard working white men are becoming the oppressed”, because we’re not. I’ll admit it’s becoming more difficult to continue to go out and work harder for less return. I, like many of you, am becoming very irritated as I watch capable people live on the handouts provided by the unfair taxes that I pay. I’m frustrated, but I’m not oppressed, and there isn’t a single segment of a currently, or formerly oppressed member of society who I would want to trade places with. I wouldn’t want to be a woman, or African American, or Hispanic American, Jewish American, Muslim American, Asian American, or a Gay American – even if they were rich and married to a Kardashian.
These are tricky times. I’ve never looked at an issue like this and been 100% sure that my position is the right one…if you can, I guess you’re lucky. I don’t see the attraction of romantic activity with another man, but I also don’t see how somebody can look at a beef tongue and think that it might make a tasty sandwich. People eat beef tongue sandwiches every day. One man’s abomination is another man’s beef tongue sandwich.
If you finished it, thanks for reading!! I hope we can still be friends.
The Large Man
I’m not sure if your gay or straight you could stay away from a spicy chicken sandwich and a half ice tea/half diet lemonade drink? I agree, the this is the wrong fight .
Thanks for sharing you, Large Man. And for putting yourself out there! I believe in tolerance, too. And being nice, especially being nice. It’s a tough world out there and one never knows what another has experienced or is going through. A dear friend of mine commented today, ” I’m only in charge of my life and like Jewell said, ‘In the end, only kindness matters.'” I like that…
As usual, well said. I may not agree with everything you said (but I do with most of it) but I see where you’re coming from with all of it. Blog on, Large Man.
Well-said
Nicely done. It would sure be nice for context to surround things. For example, Chick-fil-A and the Cathy family does a large amount of philanthropic work for their employees and communities. It’s a great place to work (according to my daughter), and they teach teenagers manners!!! “My pleasure” “Will you be dining in?” “May I refill your beverage?” This opinion their leader has is just that. One opinion, one aspect of a bigger whole. I will continue to order my #1 with no pickle, diet coke please.
What… NO PICKLE… I Like SWEET PICKLES on My Sandwich THANK YOU… But Those POLITE People NEVER ASK… What’s Up with That Rach??? Seriously though… I agree it’s just his opinion… He Runs a Great CHICKEN STAND… But on a down side he does give a ton of Money to what Anyone would Call HATE GROUPS if the Things and Ways They ATTACK… WAS “YOU” or Your “CHILD”… Just Say’in…
Ditto what Bridget said! Thank you for yet another blog which captures how so many of us feel. P.S. I’ll always be your friend! XO
All I know is this — Chick-fil-a is the healthiest fast food out there — if you stay away from the fried stuff. chicken garden salad + light Italian dressing + chargrilled chicken sandwich = about 550 calories. That’s the only thing I care about. I don’t care if he disapproves of gay marriage or if he likes goats, as long as they provide great food and good service at a reasonable price. If this “controversy” keeps a few people away, I say great – the lines will be shorter! But truth is I don’t see this ridiculousness having any effect — if anything the lines are longer.
Tolerance, helping each other after disasters, freedom to express our opinions, freedom to love who you want. That is what America is all about. This is a wrong fight, and it is a bunch of noise from two groups who have political agendas that they beat over the heads of generally tolerant people in the middle. Dan Cathey lives in my community. He is a good and honorable man who runs a company that cares about, and takes care of its people. After almost 17 years consulting with many different companies and seeing their insides, it is rare to find this. His mistake was to think it was OK to express his beliefs. If you read up on the typical CEOs out there, many are ruthless assholes who don’t give a shit about anyone. Dan Cathey is not one of these CEOs. He recently picked up my neighbors son and a group of kids who work for our local Chick-fil-A to drive them to the prom in a limo. He came dressed in a tux, serenaded the kids with his trumpet, he drove them to the restaurant, waited until they were done, drove them to the prom, waited until it was over, then drove them home. He was not asked to do this. He thought it would be a nice thing to do for some kids that work hard at one of his chicken stands.
Dear Mr or Ms Anonymous,
While I worked on this story, and as it went through the several revisions that are part of the process for all the things I write, I really struggled with how to propery represent my take on Chick Fil A’s culture.
I think they make a great product. I think the vendor/customer experience should be a model for every fast food establishment. Chick Fil A is giving their young employees excellent tools for their proffesional future.
With regard to the Cathy family, all the evidence that I have seen supports your comments. I have two former colleagues who are now mid level execs at Chick, and while I haven’t discussed this topic with them (yet), I think they would agree with your take on Dan Cathy. Some (not all!!!) of the folks on the left side of this argument have said that “Chick Fil A cooks their chicken with hate” … personally, I don’t see “hate”. That’s a strong word. Maybe “disagreement”, and they might (as in MAYBE) need a small dash of “tolerance”, but from this Large Man’s admittedly distant view, I don’t see “hate” there.
JC, your blog was spot-on. Thanks for starting the discussion. A lot of good and productive discourse. Great to see. Absolutely, a dash of tolerance is needed in pockets around here. What has everyone stirred up around here is being cast as a bunch of ignorant and hate-filled idiots. While probably a bit of an over-reaction, it is frustrating to see main stream media commentators refer to Chick-fil-A’s policy against gays. Which is not the case. By the way, my son cooks chicken at Chick-fil-A. I hope I have raised him to cook it with love and tolerance for everyone. Your old friend, Hary (aka Mr. Anonymous)
Once again you imbed more than one side story/take on an issue and well written! Here are my reflections: 1) The central issue is Freedom of Speech and he is entitled to that as an American. That may be the last thing we honestly have left in the country. We Brits lost that battle in the 1700’s as we were more focused on taxation and global dominance than human rights. That’s why y’all started the USA-thing anyway. 2) What is Gay? Who is Gay? Putting aside any sexuality reflections or positions or attitudes, Dandy Don Meredith was Gay. Ronald Reagan was Gay. Jimmy Carter was Gay. Ed McMahon was Gay. British TV announcers are Gay. In about a month, they’ll start playing Christmas songs in the department stores (well, not at Target) and we’ll hear ‘Deck the Halls’ where they are Gay and we learn in the Flinstones theme song that “they’ll have a Gay old time!” 3) Chicken Man and Freedom of Speech and chicken sandwiches. You Americans are such prudes and twisted. Hell, that’s nothing. You aren’t the one that made the grand old wizard of Hogwarts Gay!
Well said, and glad you had the balls ( lack of a better word) to share your opinions! Way to go!
GET THE F*** OFF the FENCE DUDE!!!!
I wouldn’t normally respond to baiting by someone who wouldn’t sign their name when calling me out – especially in all caps!! But OK, just this once, I’ll bite.
Metaphorically speaking, I am against “fences”, that was kinda my point. I believe fences divide people.
Responsible comments, disagreement, and different perspectives, are always welcome.
JC
You summed up my thoughts quite well. As for the slippery slope analogy I use that all the time. If it is OK for a man to marry a man (or women to women) and enjoy all the benefits of the law, then it can be manipulated. If I have no children and run a successful business, why not marry my chosen successor for he can inheret the company? If it is legal for a man to be with a man, then why can’t I marry two women! Or Three women? Doesn’t violate the laws of nature. Isn’t even gross. Like you mention marrying your cousin. One man’s revulsion is another man’s right? Is 13 years old to young? The list goes on and when can wonder where it will stop. But, being a tolerant person who cares and should we be tolerant to all deviations from the norm?
As always well said my friend. This topic like so many others in my “opinion” simply amplifies our ability to speak freely, right or wrong is not the point, speaking freely is and with this comes reaction good and bad…..always. And yes, from my personal experience our “lesbian/gay” relationships are also built on journeying through lifes obstacle course and trying to get the most out of it by sharing it with those you love……..however you love, “love” not sex, being what is important.
“Jc…I wanted to tell you I Loved All of your Post about The “Chicken Stand”… And I Like You… (I Believe… ) Am Very American and able to Understand Both Sides of this so called ISSUE… One thing you left out is the Chicken Stand Owner has paid out OVER TWO (2) MILLION Dollars to HATE Groups who’s Only mission is to defame and discourage gay people from being what I believe they were born to be… Gay… In ANY Instance… It’s None Of MY BUSiNESS… As a Child of The Most High God and a Brother of Jesus Christ… “The Great Forgiver” (judge Not… Lest Ye BE Judged) Sin Is Sin… It is All forgiven EACH and Ever day by understand Who Created You and asking Forgiveness… On a side note… “Gossip is the Most mentioned SIN… In The BIBLE”… ” not homosexuality” … Hows that one work’in over at fox news… (not cap’d intentionally) ha… Ya can’t make this ship up dude…” and to ANY Haters… Get Lost from MY Life… Or BRING IT… This IS AMERICA… And the Issue ISN’T about Any Nut Job so called celebrities comments… Unless the NUT JOB your angry at is Dan Cathy… (PS… Haven’t read your other comments Jc… can’t see them… when i can I will… Thanks again! God Bless)
Hello Large,
Great being your BCC chauffeur the other day. Did we win?
In the words of one of my personal heroes, “Seek first to understand, then…”
I think we were ALL winners that day!! 🙂
A well thought out, well written post JC. Thought provoking as well. Like you, I believe in tolerance, something that there seems too little of these days. I’ve never understood how the religious powers that be justify all the killing done in the name of God nor the discrimination and intolerance.
I was raised a Southern Baptist in a very small town in southwestern Virginia before moving to the DC area where you and I went to school together. We moved there at the end of the summer of 1968 after all the race riots in DC. It was a culture shock, an eye opening experience for a little girl from the Appalachian region of the state that only had one black family in the whole county.
I realize now that the experience of moving there could have gone differently for me. I was shy and quiet…still am..but rather than crawl into a corner, put blinders on and hold on for dear life to outdated beliefs, I learned to have an open mind, to be curious about things and people, learned that we’re all different, learned that being a good person is what is really important.
The gay/lesbian couples I’ve met who have been together for years – 10+ and in a lot of cases 20 or 25+ – are just like any other happy married couple who have been together than long. They share life’s journey and all it encompasses.
This is the long way around to saying that I really don’t care what color someone’s skin is or how they live their lives as long as he/she is a good person.
Thanks for making me think a bit.